#The Quitting Dairies: My Stop Smoking Journey

It's been a long time coming but I'm finally ready to quit! 

Yes I know it's a really bad habit and it will eventually kill me but i'm finally ready to let go of my last vice.

"Smoking has always been an escape route to get me out of unwanted situations, prevented meltdowns and in general been a very bad coping strategy when stressed or anxious." 

I've just had my first appointment with the NHS Stop Smoking Clinic and feel really positive after having a chat about giving up and the best way to do it with the aid of nicotine replacement therapy rather than  medication.

I had a thought last night to blog about my progress and share with you the honest truth of the positives and negatives to giving up as I need to do it now rather than later.

So here I am on after my first appointment and I instantly feel better already as I feel supported and that I'm not on my own and I can contact my Stop Smoking Advisor when I need to and it's okay if I'm struggling because like everything else it's trail and error.

I have been given a prescription of patches and chewing gum to help with the cravings and get me off the cigarettes for good.

It is going to be a learning curve as I've smoked for a really long time and now I'm finding that my life (like all addictions) is dominated by when I need to smoke rather than enjoying myself.

So from Friday (11th May 2018) I'm going to try not to pick up a cigarette and put a patch on and see how I get on for two weeks before my next appointment at the doctors.

Why do I want to give up? 

I've known for a while that I need to give up smoking as with my health conditions smoking isn't the best thing for my body at all. 

It exacerbates the problems that I have in my stomach causing more pain and inflammation that leads me to needing further medical treatment which can be avoided. 

I also don't want to end up with more life changing disabilities further down the line and having a poorer quality of life because i've trashed my lungs and put a strain on my heart and arteries. 

I'm also doing this as a stepping stone to a much healthier mental attitude, changing one negative coping strategy and replacing it with something much more positive so that I can adapt to whatever situation i'm in and actually deal with it rather than running away and doesn't damage my health.

I also want to give up from an ethical standpoint as the tabacco industry does test on animals and as a vegan i'm actually aiding the suffering of innocent animals which is against everything I believe in, although I became vegan for health reasons as well as ethical.

I'll also save a lot of money in the process as I won't be buying tabacco pouches or cigarettes on a regular basis which will allow me to save money and invest it into things that are important to me. 

I know it's going to be difficult and I'm going to have my ups and downs but in the end there will be a positive to all the hard work and dedication I put into stopping smoking. 

And so my Journey begins: 

08/05/2018 -: 

This morning felt like the most terrifying thing I've ever had to do as it was the unknown and I didn't know what to expect when I walked into the doctors surgery for my appointment with the stop smoking service. 

In my mind part of me knew that I had to go and find out about it and see what options there were to finally give up smoking and the support that I'd receive but the other part of me wanted to run screaming from the doctors and just continue in the comfortable routine that I'd been in for so long and not change it as this would be even more difficult and in my anxious state I didn't want to go through with it. 

It also didn't help that I set off late from my house and by the time I looked on my phone I had 15 minutes to get there and I still needed to check myself in and find out what floor of the health centre the stop smoking service was on before I'd even sat down with my advisor and begin to talk about treatment plans and other things to do with quitting. 

I made it in plenty of time, and booked in and even managed to read a few pages from a book whilst trying to block out the sensory overload  as I waited for my appointment focusing in on the book I was reading rather than the thoughts that were whirling round my head at 3000 miles an hour. 

The anxiety was at this point feeding off the sensory bombardment that is a waiting room in a doctor's surgery with a baby crying and a man coughing and I really wanted to run away at this point and cancel the appointment but I just tried to remain positive and not let the anxiety do what it normally does and that is win! 

I did eventually get my name called and met my advisor who was lovely and as we got to talking I forgot that I was actually at a stop smoking appointment and rather having a lovely chat with someone instead of what I was expecting which was someone who was going to judge me and tell me that I'd ruined my health and that if I didn't succeed then I would be a bad human being. 

I explained that smoking was in part down to my autism and it was a crux to avoid certain situations and to cope with my anxiety and depression and that I wanted to give up because I feel like I don't want to anymore and it is ruining my health. 

For the first time I felt like someone understood my anxieties and actually knew that this transition was going to be difficult for me. It felt like I was being listened to and supported rather than being told: 

"Here are your options now go and deal with it!"

I had to go through my medical history and explain that I am very sensitive and allergic to medications as there are two ways you can quit smoking (although medication is only used for heavy smokers) as well as all my dietary requirements and food allergies just in case. 

When it came to what I wanted to do I did want to go for Nicotine Replacement therapy rather than medication (as a side effect is nausea and vomiting) and so I was given 25mg patches that last 24 hours and chewing gum (my choice) for when the cravings kick in. 

I also have settled on a starting day for using the patches and the gum which will be the 11th May and from then on I'll have to cut down and use the patch or use the patch and the gum together. 

It seems complicated and daunting as I'm still in the mindset of is this really what I want? 

But when I made sense of it in my head to me personally it's a new routine and as an autistic person I like routines as they are safe and instead of worrying about going to this on my own I had someone who I could contact if I was struggling and regular appointments with one to one sessions rather than being on my own with it. 

I am frightened, I'm excited and I've got so many emotions and thoughts running around me head that it's slightly overwhelming me but it's the beginning and I know I can do this!