When Life Gives You Lemons...

The old saying when Life gives you Lemons... You make Lemonade is something that sometimes annoys the hell out of me but it's a great way of dealing with negativity and change. 

I know there is method to my madness, this saying comes out of the woodwork when something goes wrong in your life and the person who says it to you hopes to themselves that you take the positive out of it rather than wanting to scream at them in a mid meltdown. 

The whole reason I titled this blog with this saying is because this is happening to me right now in my personal life where I thought i'd figured out my career and then suddenly I'm hit with a sequence of events that make me think do I really want to pursue this adding in all the variables and factors? 

Therefore I've been given the hypothetical Lemons and at the moment trying to make Lemonade from them, how I don't know at the moment but all the skills I have learnt from my life so far might help in making changes. 

This epiphany happened last week, I went for an interview for a masters degree and well lets just say didn't get onto the course which really knocked me back and it made me miserable for the rest of the week as I was set on doing that course and I knew I'd be good at it and also it would enhance my career. 

It hit me hard, I felt rejected, stupid and had to try to scrape myself up off the floor again, dust myself down and plaster a fake smile on my face to continue because if I even attempted to wallow in it I'd be in a very unhealthy mental state that I can't pull myself back from. 

Being able to pull myself back and stop myself from not wallowing and giving up, finding a new direction to make sure that I have an income and something that will give me the flexibility to be able to deal with everything else that is going on at the minute health wise. 

The lemons are the negative experience, the lemonade is having the resilience to get up and make something positive out of that negative experience. 

We all have to deal with change and situations that arise for nowhere that catch you off guard and usually when you've got a plan or a routine and it goes out of the window and you feel like you're back at the beginning and having to rebuild everything again. 

It's frustrating and on the inside you are internally screaming or having a massive panic attack whilst telling people around you on the surface that you're perfectly fine and it's just a blip and you can bounce back. 

  

The problem with Aspergers is we don't like change.

 Life is full of changes and when that change is negative it can cause some nasty side effects including anxiety, insecurity, frustration, depression, meltdowns and in honestly leads to exhaustion.

Change is normal apparently and although we put in place coping strategies to deal and prepare for these changes, unfortunately they come without warning and usually cause a horrifying meltdown caused by anxiety, frustration and depression. 

The thing that we have to do or learn somehow is to process this change (without becoming obsessed or over analysing the change) and then make a new plan to replace or build upon the one that we have just in some weird way lost.

This above is difficult, it's scary, it's unfamiliar and it's damn right annoying but it has to be done and there needs to be some inner strength involved and determination (which we have bucket loads of) and the motivation to get back on track. 

Getting back on track is completely your choice and it can have something to do with your favourite subject or hobby. 

There is lots of possibilities out there for you to start in a new direction that doesn't have to come from academia which is something I'm telling myself right now and although you've done all the work to further yourself in an academic sense it doesn't mean that is your only option to get on in life.
Being Aspergers means we have plenty of handy skills naturally that are just waiting to be unleashed into the world and at some point we all have to accept that Plan A sometimes doesn't go our way.

Making sure we have something to fall back on is difficult but inspiration can come in any form and suddenly you don't seem to feel like you're lost but getting to where you need to be can be a bumpy and pothole infested road.

It comes with the determination and will power to get where you want to be but also the confidence in yourself to do it and that is something we all struggle with.

A Knock back or  rejection can shattered any of that precious self esteem you've managed to build yourself up with with gone within seconds! 

And although you've tried your best, painted a fake smile on your face and cope with the anxiety and depression that is lurking in the back of your mind like a cunning, sinister, evil looking sniffling person that tells you that you're in La La Land and that you should just give in because there isn't a hope in hell that you're going to succeed.

You have to ignore that voice in the back of your mind and tell yourself that you're worth a lot more than what you think, you've already achieved so much and that you are just as worthy as everyone else around you.

It doesn't help that along the way you're continuously breaking Autistic stereotypes and actually having to present yourself as "Normal" which is horrifying in itself, and project a false sense of confidence.

The hardest part of anything in a social aspect or going for a job interview, a degree/college course interview is to be yourself but to keep your anxiety, dyspraxia, depression and everything else in check.

Being positive is a really good mindset to have and having some simple mindfulness techniques such as calming breaths, relaxation music (there are some great ones on Youtube and also apps available on android and iPhone) and positive affirmations around the house if you need to to remind yourself of all your positive qualities are all good things to have in your coping strategies to deal with rejection, anxiety and even depression.

Although they are not the cure they can be a way to deal with difficult situations when they arise and give you the strength to continue rather than staying the same cycle that comes with negative thoughts.

Failure isn't a bad thing! It's actually just one attempt in Learning. 

Failure is not negative, it's just your first attempt at learning and believe it or not everyone fails and thats okay. 

It doesn't mean that you have to try something else or that you're a bad person, it just means that you might need to go back and try it again from a different perspective. 

When I was younger, the word failure meant the end of the world as I knew it. 

It didn't help that teachers would guilt trip you or scare the living daylights out of you if you didn't achieve a certain grade in a exam or even a mock exam. 

Yes I wasn't good at Maths, I originally didn't get my Maths GCSE or any GCSE's for that matter but I went to College and I got what I needed and this time I passed because I wasn't put under the amount of the pressure I was when I was in High School and actually I was doing it for myself rather than for anyone else. 

Looking towards the future maybe I didn't fail at getting onto that Journalism Masters Degree course, it didn't serve the purpose I needed it to be. 

I've got loads of industry experience and technically this blog is where I love to come up with new content and write what I want to write about rather than be in a newsroom being told what I can and can't write about or stories that I want to pursue probably would not have suited me and that doesn't take away from all the achievements I have done in the last 10 years. 

Also taking in other factors like health and wellbeing you need to adjust what is suitable for you! 

Failing might just be a way to tell you that you need to figure out or find a different approach that is better suited to you or even change what you thought was the right road to go down and actually go in a completely different direction that was once impossible or didn't fit what you wanted to do originally. 

It's okay to stand at the cross roads and decide that you need to go in a different direction, it's okay to feel so frightened that you think that you can't go any further and it's okay to have a really good cry! 

But the positive thing to take out all of this is that yes you've been given lemons but you always make the sweetest and most delicious lemonade and in the end you've succeeded in what you wanted to achieve!!

It can seem that the more and more you try the more futile it gets, but don't ever give up as when something doesn't go the way you planned, it doesn't mean that you've failed... it just means that it wasn't right for you. 

Life May Give Us Lemons but the way we choose to make the lemonade is perfectly unique to what we need it to be!