Emotions, Feelings and Where to Put Them....

Emotions or feelings are something that we all have and can not hide from! 

No matter how hard we try not to let them escape or cause chaos in our lives, they are always going to be there and it's hard to deal with them when they arise. 

The thing about being Aspergers or Autistic is that when these emotions arise we don't know how to deal with them or register what they are. It's frustrating and to be able to communicate these emotions when you possibly don't understand what they are can be even more infuriating. 

I've covered meltdowns and how they are usually triggered from the build up of stress, anxiety or frustration towards a situation or bottling up feelings that have been simmering away beneath the surface without letting them out in a safe and controlled manner. 

The thing is we are not robots and neither are we designed to not have emotions, because everyone does.

 Knowing what they are and where to put them is not that easy to do and when the emotions arise and trying to verbally communicate them to others seems to stressful, it seems a safe bet to bottle them away inside and pray to the Aspergers mind that they don't come out as a raging, crying and frightening mess that resembles the Hulk without turning green! 

It also doesn't help that side effects of being Aspergers include Depression, Anxiety (acute in most cases) and even Suicidal tendencies/committing Suicide which is higher amongst Autistic Adults than NT's (Normal people) due to the fact that unfortunately the world was not created for AS people and neither does it help us when we are diagnosed, but before I rant and lose myself in the disappointment about stuff lets get back to what I want to write about. 

Recently I've struggled with Blog Posts, due to a number of reasons and things going on in my life where I haven't been able to blog or the fact i've had blog ideas and then struggled to find what I want to write and having extreme writers block - which I hate to admit comes with added procrastination and avoiding writing which I apologise for whole heartedly.

The reason I'm writing about emotions is because I struggle with them everyday, I struggle to recognise what i'm feeling and then don't know how to express these emotions without trying to figure out where the hell they came from in the first place!?

The same goes for actually looking at someone and then trying to register what they are feeling from their facial expressions as they are sometimes really complex, so sometimes relying on the tone of someone's voice or even the atmosphere in the room is the only tool we have to figure out why someone is angry or upset, happy or sad and it can go on and on. 

The realisation that emotions are normal and feeling like you're lost in a sea of emotional soup, drowning in it or fighting against the tide trying to swim back to the safety of the sanity shore can seem incredibly difficult but with a little bit of knowing yourself and finding out when you are feeling something negative rather than positive is a start, releasing it and getting it out of your mind can be more difficult but with the coping strategies can be better than Melting Down in the long run. 

Clearing the negative emotions out of your head can have some benefits, as if you have all these thoughts and feelings in you head it can actually lead to sleep deprivation or waves of insomnia at night and panic attacks, loss of concentration and general depression which is not healthy for you mental or physical health. 

Getting everything out of your head that is driving you around the bend is not easy but with simple coping strategies or even just expressing them in a different way can be the difference between a meltdown or being on an even keel and dealing with negative emotions or feelings before they become overwhelming and take over.

Writing it all down is something I do on a daily basis... keeping a journal that is not shared with the outside world that has me deepest thoughts and feelings on what is going with my life and learning how to digest it is something I do before I can't cope any longer. When at home, I write more than once a day if I have something to digest and analyse without screaming or shouting as I get it all out and yes sometimes it's completely idiotic or doesn't make any sense but instead of verbalising it I just grab my journal and a pen and just let everything flow out onto a blank page of paper and then when I feel like I can look back at what i've written at another time, I read it back and then just take it all back in with an objective point of view.

If I need to verbalise or something has deeply eaten away at me, then I will seek professional help in the form of a councillor who will help me figure stuff out and where my triggers are. But everyone is unique and some forms of talking therapies are better than others, I would speak to your doctor as well as a Autism Centre to find out who would be best person to speak to as well as seeing whether or not you are eligible to get free counselling  with an Autistic Trained Councillor as of course like everything the way we perceive the world around us and interoperate problems can be different to the way a NT patient would.

Dealing with how you let out emotions can be unique to you as an individual and usually linked the specific ways you do things which I have covered before in other blog posts so I won't do a recap for that reason but please do check out the Meltdown post in particular. 

It's a difficult thing to be able to actually understand how you deal with what you are feeling and actively deal with them in a positive way without it turning into a full on meltdown. I know it might sound easy for me to say this in a blog but the reason i'm writing this is because I know how it feels, the confusion, the frustration and the complete and total fear of losing the plot if someone says or does anything that might trigger a meltdown. 

Whatever life throws at you, whether it be a stressful time, grief of a loved one or whatever the reason just know that when you feel the first ripple of something bubbling up inside you, knowing your own trigger points and acting positively on what is happening before it gets all to much with your own coping strategies and if you need to talking to someone about the problem especially if it involves suicidal thoughts whether that be a doctor, social worker, parent, friend or even a charity such as Mind (UK Young Person's Mental Health Charity) or The Samaritans please don't be embarrassed or ashamed to talk to someone about your mental health! 

Helpful Websites: 

www.mind.org.uk 

www.autism.org.uk  (UK site) 

www.autism-society.org  (US site) 

Helpful Numbers: 

The Samaritans : 116 123 (UK from any phone) 

                            116 123 (ROI from any phone) 

                            1(800) 273-TALK (USA)