The Meltdown Confession
All Aspergers Girls and Boys at some point will have a meltdown!
For those who are confused to what a 'Meltdown' means, it basically is a massive release of anxiety or frustration which can turn violent in many circumstances and for loved ones can be a traumatic experience to see their autistic child/partner lose themselves in a meltdown.
It isn't pretty and it can be frightening for anyone involved including yourself, I hate to say this but when it all gets to much we all fall into the Meltdown cycle.
Depending on how stressful life is at the moment, pressure with exams and other things such as work commitments, family life, grief and other normal daily stresses can pile up on you and make you flip that switch in your head.
It is important to see the signs as usually Meltdowns come from Anxiety or Frustration which manifests itself over time. It can be days, weeks or months worth of anxiety that you think you are managing that can suddenly just release itself in this negative way.
For me at the moment, it is impatience and that euphoric high that I have been riding for the last few weeks has suddenly come to an end and a crash has happened as I adjust back to normal life without that high.
Euphoric highs can be anything that give you joy, so it might be going to see your favourite band, getting that dream job, doing an activity you love or anything that brings you happiness.
It might seem a person on the outside symptoms like Bipolar Disorder (formally known as Manic Depression) a person might have behaviour that looks like they are high on the ceiling and then come crashing down and having episodes of both without the normal even keel in the middle.
In reality, Aspergers is a complex condition to live with and with highs it normally comes from achieving something without the usual social anxiety or the expecting to be rejected due to our Aspergers.Our anxieties can lead to in worse cases serious depression, self harm and suicide attempts which can be a major problem among adolescents and adults with Aspergers. Our crashes occur when we come down off our high or a situation changes suddenly. It can lead to outbursts that look like tantrums to an outsider but in reality it is a release of emotions that have been bottled up over a long period of time.
Being sensitive to social situations and changes in routines and also changes in life in general can all make us fall apart at the seems and without treatment or coping strategies we can turn violent and dangerous.Once your meltdown begins you can not stop it.
Meltdowns are the last resort in a long line of not being able to cope, self harming and violent outbursts are common in most cases and due to our strength we are a danger to ourselves and others. Being in the firing line of a Aspergers person in meltdown is not a nice place to be and the recent changes to PIP and other benefits in the UK we might see more Aspergers adults trying to take their own lives and also losing control of themselves.
Mine was horrific and kick started after I left my work experience placement, I'm ashamed of myself after I've had one as I am destructive. I press that button in my head and then just begin to spiral out of control.
I can't really describe what a meltdown feels like as when you go through it you just lose yourself, it's like your anger, frustration and anxiety just burt out of you and turn you into a psychotic monster.
You don't feel like yourself and the warning signs before it are very easy to see but in this state you cannot sense them or recognise what you are feeling.
The Warning signs are:
1) Feeling Overwhelmed or stressed:
Meltdowns are common place when Autistic people feel overwhelmed by their surroundings, changes in their routines or even a sensory overload. Being Overloaded in every single way imaginable can cause outbursts to be distressing to all those involved. Stressful situations such as Education environments, Employment, Social interaction, Relationships (family and partners) and changes in the routines can all cause a meltdown to occur.
2) Frustration:
Frustration can be anything. Not being listened to, not achieving goals set by themselves (as I was once told I set goals that are to high to achieve or obtain *cough* BS alert *cough*) , Feeling of not being understood by others and feeling not in control. All these things can lead to a massive meltdown due to factors beyond our control.
Control of our lives even if manic is the only thing a Aspergers person wants and craving independence is one of them.
3) Becoming increasingly Defensive or Aggressive:
When you question an Aspergers persons decision or constantly what feels like an constant interrogation can lead to defensive or aggressive behaviour. Although from your perspective it might be from concern and a place of love it sometimes if not always I must admit leads to an Aspergers person becoming more aggressive and defensive as in their heads they have made the correct decision for themselves and have committed themselves to it whole heartedly. Also due to our obsessive nature we can not see the bigger picture and fixate on one choice rather than several and will not be persuaded to see the alternative or better options.
Aspergers Women please take note that if someone is saying yes but have you considered... it's not an attack on your intelligence or someone trying to steal your control. It comes from a place of love and concern for your wellbeing!
4) Fatigue and Exhaustion:
This one is a biggie, living with constant anxiety or even other conditions that Aspergers live with on a daily basis drains the body and mind of energy. And although we know we need to keep up our strength and eat regularly an AS person will quite often being suffering with sickness due to anxiety. In this case to combat fatigue we might turn to caffeinated drinks (which are a nightmare for any Aspergers person) the drinks only work for a short time and make our mental health go into overdrive. In most cases AS people will not sleep due to their anxiety and will try to live day to day with not enough sleep which can cause our moods to decrease and a meltdown to become more likely. On the flip-side Hyperactive behaviour also comes with the same crash effect, so make sure that your sugar intact is not to much and avoid those sugary/caffeinated drinks (this includes coffee/tea).
5) Loss of Control:
This one is normally what is the main cause of a meltdown. Losing control or the feeling of control is an attack on an Aspergers person. In my head it's like having everything stripped away from me and my independence taken from me. This can be caused by anything again and can lead to meltdowns if felt like control is being lost. I can't explain it because honestly it's something that is complicated.
6) Goals not being Achieved:
Everything comes down to this, and you get the odd professional that will tell you that person X is setting goals that are not manageable when in fact they can be managed if the support and conditions are right for that person.
It drives AS people mad when they do not reach a goal they set themselves and they will try every avenue to achieve the outcome. That tenacious attitude is a good trait to have and although can sometimes be a long process that will become frustrating, if there is a will there is a way for an Aspergers person.
The inner perfectionist and obsessive nature of Aspergers means that it is incredibly difficult to accept that the goal you set for yourself might be to difficult to achieve.
7) Social Anxiety:
Social interaction is something that is the worst thing to happen to an autistic person. Without learning from others when socialising. Basically watching and coping behaviour.. trying to keep eye contact and other social norms can be just to much. Interviews are one of the things that I hate the most as I feel uncomfortable and worry about everything I have said as well as the way I presented my self. In my head I would love a world without interviews this can cause fear of rejection is also common and this fear can manifest itself as a meltdown. Also social interactions such as trying to make friends or even trying to flirt is difficult so it's easier to run away and cry in a corner rather than try and engage. Also bullying is a major contributor to Meltdowns and Social Anxiety.
8) Sensory processing and sensitivity:
Sensory Processing Disorder is common in people with Aspergers. Lights, Sounds, Smells and even touch can make life difficult. Added with other conditions such as dyspraxia(spacial awareness and coordination problems) a meltdown can be triggered due to loud noises, crowds, bright/strobe lighting and even smells can lead to a meltdown if coping strategies are not put in place.
Combatting a Meltdown before it occurs is down to the Aspergers person to recognise the warning signs before they have chance to hold!
Recognising and understanding what is happening with your mind and the situations that are causing the meltdowns to happen and applying coping strategies in place can be the best thing to do for yourself and your loved ones.
If you feel like you need more help and advice then you need to talk to your GP whether diagnosed or undiagnosed with Aspergers Syndrome.
The steps that will be taken can be from arranging counselling (although I would advise finding a specialist counsellor who understands Autism thought processes) and even looking into medication or referral to the mental health team in your local area.
I am cautious about talking about Medication when it comes to the treatment of Aspergers children, adolescents and adults. I would suggest getting a professional to steer towards counselling and also if undiagnosed then getting a diagnosis before any other treatment is advised.
Coping Strategies can come naturally to most AS people, who in some ways make their own from tools they have but also with a counsellor find and explore triggers and then put in steps to stop meltdowns and panic attacks from happening as well as talking about social anxieties within that.
When in a meltdown, we forget our coping strategies and it is difficult to stop it once it has become but even if you feel wobbly during the week, think and process what this might be and then write it all down and discuss it with your counsellor if you have an appointment if not please make an emergency appointment!
Recognising what can contribute to a meltdown can be the first stage of preventing it and understanding your own triggers and anxiety can make you stronger as a person. However if you need to talk to someone at any time and are considering harming or suicide please speak to someone.
Support Networks for Aspergers:
Support for Carers:
Remember that you are amazing and that you don't need to feel like you need to meltdown, focus on the positives and combat the negatives. If you feel like you need help the links above can help provide support and advice for both you and your carer.
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