Anger Management - How to deal with Aspie Meltdowns Safely


We've all had those moments in our lives where we've turned into a Monster or the guy above for no apparent reason.

Usually we can blame it on little things like Pre- Period Hormones (PMS) or normally Frustration or Anxiety that manifests itself into a downward spiral where it seems normal to lose control. 

When this happens, however it can lead to some serious outcomes. The Rage that you feel doesn't just effect you as a person, whoever is in the line of fire can be faced with a someone who is losing control on themselves. If you are someone like me who goes into a severe Meltdown, you'll notice that you black out and that you'll also try to injure yourself (self harming) or harm someone else. 

This is when you need to think, is this an anger issue or something much deeper that maybe connected to a mental health problem such as Depression. 

It's ok to admit that you have depression and other issues and it is common for people with Aspergers to live with some form of Depression and Anxiety disorders. 

I have covered a little bit about how different environments can be a trigger that will set off Meltdowns. Especially places like schools where overcrowded corridors, bright lights, loud noises and even social situations such as dealing with teachers and other students can all get to much for someone with Aspergers to deal with. 

Unfortunately there is no magic wand that is going to fix a High School or even a public place into a Aspergers Friendly zone and I have found that the attitude towards Aspergers is not that brilliant as there isn't a lot of understanding around Autism in general! 


There is always a trigger and I know from experience what my triggers are and how to stop the anger/anxiety before it turns into something worse. 

I know that I used to bottle up my frustration, anxiety and other feelings inside me and this became a ticking time bomb. The raw emotions that you feel are not being let out positively and safely and the more you bottle the worse you will feel and really become when you finally release and express these emotions. 
It's a self destructive pattern that does occur in cycles. And people may think you are fine on the surface but underneath you are brewing as something that happened either at School, maybe it's an issue with teachers, fellow students Example being a Bullying Problem or even a issue to do with yourself and how you feel about your autism in general. 
There are other factors to do with hormone levels and your body changing and developing - I know as someone who developed early I had a lot to deal with in a short period of time. 

But all these reasons are not an excuse for your behaviour, if you are blowing up and lashing out and breaking doors and furniture or even hitting someone it's actually time to get help! 

I was awful when I was younger, I had a lot of issues that stemmed from the fact that I was not diagnosed with Aspergers and suffering with Depression and Anxiety. 
I was an outcast on the social ladder in school and a target to numerous bullies who would find my flaws in a second. I also had to deal with Teachers who had their own mental health issues and would project them onto students. I hated myself, those teachers in a twisted manner, the kids who bullied me and everyone around me. 
I had no happiness at all, I was living in a world where everything was dark, there was no light and everything was against me and therefore I lashed out at the world around me and more importantly the people who loved me and  tried to help me. 
I left school at 15 years old as I was desperately ill, harming frequently to the point of trying to commit suicide on two occasions the first being at 11 years old when I cut my wrist deeply near the main vein. I was cutting throughout my teenage years in different areas of my body including at one stage trying to cut off my own breast(I still have the scar as a reminder)as girls had called me fat and ugly and all I wanted to do was to die. I felt isolated and did isolate myself, never leaving the house or even my room. I wouldn't eat and I wouldn't sleep.

 I just wanted to be alone and more importantly I wanted to die. 


If I had to leave my room for any reason I would become aggressive, i'd threaten to harm, I would pull my hair out, I'd scream and swear, call my mum awful things and say awful things to her and if she didn't leave me alone I'd begin to punch and kick the walls, door (i've broken 3 doors) and anything else that got in my way. I also would go for the knifes downstairs and harm myself, I'd also beat myself up within an inch of my life. I was admitted to A&E with swollen Knuckles and the nurse had no idea what was going on in my head and just thought I was attention seeking. At the time Emo bands where hugely popular and I sometimes wonder if she thought I was one of the Emo's that just harmed for attention all the time and I wasn't ill at all. 

And her words were: 

"If you feel like you want to punch something.. count to 10 in your head." 

I've also had people - trained counsellors who have said to put frozen peas on my skin when I want to harm. It is nothing like the feeling you get when you harm. 

If you are referred to a mental health unit and not diagnosed it might be worth asking for an ADOS Test and then a referral for an Aspergers Diagnosis. If you have the Aspergers Diagnosis it is really important to see if you can see a Autism trained counsellor. 

An Aspergers Counsellor can understand the way you're are feeling from you're point of view. They also don't use any methods that might make you feel worse. If you are offed CBT DO NOT ACCEPT IT - YOU WILL FEEL WORSE!!! 

Some issues you may be having will have to be addressed by a professional, I know it means going to see the doctor and even going to the mental health clinic to see someone there and medication might be involved. I'd rather see a counsellor first rather than a shrink. 

Tips: 

1) Write down the way you are feeing and Let it GO! 


Let everything out, write it down in a journal, draw, scribble and even vocalise it. I know that some emotions you can't register or are able to describe so if you can just let it all out. I find that if you do write it down you can look back and see what has changed and also notice patterns of when you feel at your lowest or when you feel like you are going to blow up. Pin pointing triggers is just the beginning. Also if you are still holding onto anything that has angered you and it's more than a year old, it's time to clear it out and stop holding onto it for good. A lot of things change and holding onto that fear or pain can lead you to stay in the same place for a long time. If you really want to move on it's time to address and let these emotions or memories go. It's like cleaning your memory from your camera or sky plus box... you feel instantly better and refreshed. 

2) Find a positive activity to help you. 

This can be whatever you want it to be... for me music has a strong hold on me and I have certain songs and bands that get me through some of the most hard times. So I would sing along and write a lot with music on in the background and create other worlds and characters who were living a happier life. 
One of the Albums I would repeat until I burnt out the CD (thank god for MP3) was Wonderland by Mcfly and one song got me through more than others and it was 'I'll Be Ok' as it just was a little message of hope for me. 
If you're not into music and love sport maybe going for a walk or a run to clear your head might help. Fresh air and time alone in an open space is a good healer. A good book or even just sleeping might be a good idea. Whatever works for you, utilise it and turn a negative into a positive. 

3) Breath 

Breathing is a good way of relaxing the body and the mind, as you focus on each breath and the way it sounds. There are many relaxation breathing techniques to look up on line. Meditation is also a good method to keep anxiety and anger under control. 
Some people say imagine breathing like your in a circle or other things like that. In and Out through your nose and mouth is a good way to breath and focus on deep controlled breaths. Don't hold your breath though - important thing!!! 


Knowing in yourself when you're feeling like you want to explode or even recognising the signs of your emotions (this does include Anxiety) and what triggers out burst's can be a new tool to stopping the outburst before it begins. 


The ironic thing about Aspergers is that we dislike confrontation, but yet when angered or upset in some way we can sometimes turn to fight rather than flight when we are anxious, upset, confused, frustrated and even insecure about certain aspects of ourselves. The situations we try to avoid in everyday life only come to light when we feel we are safe and in a comfortable environment.

Knowing how to safely express these emotions is another point, I am a writer and slightly obsessed with writing anything or everything down to do with any aspect of my thought, emotional and even creative aspects of my life. These can be a bullet point list of what I need to avoid or consciously think about in a decision making task, reaffirming instructions given to me or even what my dreams signify about my life as it is now.   

Learning how to dissipate Anger before it begins takes a lot of self exploration and understanding of your mind and what you are thinking. Your thought processes and how you interoperate the world around you comes with time and learning. 


Sometimes we think mistakes are a failure....

Guess what everyone makes them and you learn from them and move on with your life. The same goes with negative experiences! Girls I'm telling you something that happened three years ago has gone and who ever did the terrible or nasty thing to you has moved on and got on with their lives. 

The expression "seize the day" is one of my favourites as a new day brings new positive and amazing experiences rather that you need to grab before they go away. Whats the point of still bothering about the past? 



It's a hard thing to try and do but seriously in the famous words of Timone ( The Lion King 1994):

"You've got put your past behind you." 


By all means learn from the past and move on positively from it but from my own experience keeping the anger, frustration and even hate inside you is just going to leave you stuck in the same situation you were in all those years ago.
You might as well move on and leave it in the past where it belongs and deal with that pain and anger before it destroys you from the inside out.

Think about the positive rather than the negative and focus on what you want to achieve and what you want to do in your life. No point letting anything still anger you after the event has taken place.

I know we all hate change, but trust me in the fact that change has to be welcomed sometimes! 


Life isn't Aspergers friendly and neither is it fair... but if we understand ourselves and our triggers we can deal with Anger before it becomes to much to deal with. Outbursts are not the best out let and if it's getting to the stage where you are a danger to yourself or some else it's time to ask for help from someone who knows how you think and process information.








  

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