How to cope with and answering important Phone Calls.

Answering a phone call or even making a simple one can make any confident Aspergers girl turn into an anxious wreck instantly!

Knowing how to deal and cope with making or answering a important phone call is all about confidence and a little bit of research into who you're talking to as well as the actual purpose of the call. 

Now this is not Wayward Pines... you don't always have to answer the phone when it rings, especially if it's an unknown number or a telemarketer trying to sell you something. 

But differentiating between a cold caller and someone offering to give you an interview for a job you've just applied for can be tricky. 

I am guilty of not picking up the phone if I don't know the area code of the number or if it is a '0845' or '0800' number. 

Something inside me instantly tightens and I feel like I can't breath or speak, I begin to sweat and my heart rate begins to increase. I know it's anxiety and unfortunately there is nothing I can do to stop it if I've already picked up the phone. 

 I really wish I could be more confident when using the phone, it seems crazy to think that a young woman who is mostly independent can't use a phone without the feeling of being sick or even passing out when using a phone. 

The inner battle is annoying and you wish and hope you could be as sassy as Lady Gaga and stride to that phone and start talking to a stranger without even blinking an eyelid!

Watching and analysing how other people do it is a good thing to do, Aspergers girls and boys do learn how to do certain things and how to act in certain situations by watching and mimicking our peers.  When it comes to making phone calls or answering them it's not as simple as saying:

"Hello.."

There is so much more involved and for someone like me the anxiety kicks in before I can compose myself and just answer that phone and say the words: 

"Hello this is Sophie ... how may I help you?" 

To an outside this blog post might seem ridiculous but for someone on the inside this can be a debilitating condition that seems impossible to achieve or overcome, no matter how many people you have peer pressuring you and saying don't be so silly... it's just a phone!!!  

I have learn't to cope with some of the obstacles that you can face with picking up the phone and ringing a number with no idea who is going to answer the phone and if they even answer it at all!!! 

The first thing that goes through your head normally is simple...  

You don't want to do it! 

And no matter how many people become your own personal cheerleaders inside you're digging in your heals and screaming as the pressure and anxiety is too intense!!! 

The natural reaction to this is just to stick your heals in and just ask can you send them an email instead knowing full well that people can ignore and delete them straight away without even considering what the impact is at the other end or even worse leave it alone and bury your head in the sand and get into even more trouble than it's worth by not just picking up the phone in the first place. 

So before you consider just emailing people and not accepting the fact that at sometimes the phone has to be used I have come up with some simple strategies to cope with the biggest fear of all: 

1) Write down exactly what you want to say: 
Sounds simple enough and somehow a little bit insane but this technique was taught to me at university and it has helped me in everyday situations! 
 This technique can be applied and altered for any everyday situations including chasing up hospital appointments, answering a voicemail from a company or future employer and just even ringing up a store that might have a certain thing you need. 

It does require a pen and some paper... for writing down what you need to say, bullet points of what information or answers you might need and then of course any information given to you over the phone or other phone numbers that may need to ring!! 

A great way to start any conversation over the phone is: 

"Hi my name is <insert your name here>. 
I am ringing you regarding <X,Y&Z> and I was wondering if you could help me?" 

The usual response is either yes I can or I can direct you to the right person. It can be repetitive but it's worth it!!! 

2) Check the phone number before you call!: 
It seems obvious ... but it can be the difference between looking like a fool or having a huge panic attack before hanging up and crying in the corner for three hours if you're me! 

If you've been given a number to call and haven't got all the numbers ask for whoever you are speaking to to repeat the number slowly or break it up into sections as it'll be easier to jot down and then dial. 
When sourcing the number from either the phone directory (Yellow Pages) or online take your time when putting the number into the phone. 
When stressed or upset, our eye sight can often blur or even miss out important information so it is better to calm yourself down and make sure you've got all the numbers and information you need before you even press the green button to call. 

3) What if they don't pick up the phone? 


Annoying and a little pet peeve of mine! 
People who don't answer their phones are:

A) Aspergers 
B) Busy 
C) Ignoring you on purpose!

So unless you're are calling an Aspergers friend you know what to expect when they don't pick up and usually text them as you know they'll reply! 
If they're any like B and C they can be the worst people on the planet and you're anxiety can turn to frustration in a matter of seconds. 
I have on occasion waited until the phone has finished ringing and a answer machine message comes into your ear notifying you that:
 "The person you are calling is unavailable and please leave a brief message with name and a contact number and they'll get back to you. " 
Sometimes I leave a message and other times I hang up and try again in an hour or two depending on what mood I'm in at the time. 
When leaving a message it can be awkward and you can stumble over what you are saying and just wished you'd hung up! 

4) Leaving a message on a answer phone: 

Don't do a Rachel... and leave a message when drunk that is kind of tip Number 1! 

But knowing that the person isn't in and that you have to leave a message makes your finger start to move towards hitting to red button to hang up. Stop yourself and think about what you want to do! 
Remember tip number 1 .... reuse it for this!!! 
Again you might need to tweak it but it's easy and also clear so that the person on the other end of the phone understands what you are saying and who your are. 

So it goes a bit like this: 
 "Hi my name is <insert  your name here>, I am leaving a message for <Insert Name>regarding <X,Y&Z> please could you ring me back as soon as possible on <Phone Number> and I hope to hear from you soon. Thanks."

It's not as scary as you might think!!!! 

5) Relax!!! 
Should be the most important tip of all but if you're anxious or stressed then the likely hood of you stuttering over words and not making complete sense can happen rapidly. 
Breathing and taking your time is a good thing to do and also you don't sound like a complete idiot over the phone. 
If you want to you can always explain that you're Aspergers and that you are finding it difficult but otherwise just think you're not talking to someone really scary and just another person who has feelings and thoughts just like you. 


6) Treat yourself! 
You've done it!!!!!! You've managed to make a call or leave a message and now you're buzzing off your own Adrenaline so now it's time to either settle down and relax or just dance for a while or in my case eat chocolate!!!! 

If it means going out and stuffing your face or just having a some alone time with either Netflix's or a good book then do it!!! 

Hey you're AWESOME!!!! 

I hope your fears have been put at rest and that it is perfectly normal to feel the way you do when it comes to phone calls and that you are not strange!!!!!