Letter To Normal

To Everyone,

You think you may know me but you don't , you only see the outer layer of myself ... the 'Acting Normal' side that nods, smiles and agrees with you even if I don't have a clue what you are talking about! 
There is a side that no one see's. 

 Underneath  my outer shell is something that consists of :
Fear
Anger
Confusion
Unease 
Insecurity 
Frustration
Loneliness 

To name just a few. And dealing with all these emotions and still have to function normally is difficult and I struggle every single minute or the day! 

Life is not easy, I live second by second rather than day by day and although this may seem irrational or illogical to you it is normal to me. 

Anything can happen in less than a second! 

So when you ignore me or do something that wouldn't bother you .. or hurt you... it hurts and bothers me. 
I have no self esteem at times .. I come to the worse case option before the rules of the game are explained to me. 

Therefore I don't play the game or struggle to understand why in everyday life situations there is a game to be played?

If you really care for someone why play a game that ends with someone being emotionally hurt? Or you never know Physically hurt? 


You can laugh, Cackle and heckle me and call me stupid for writing this but I hope one day you understand what this is all about.

This is not me playing the game.. rather me expressing how I feel about it... the confusion and upset it causes me. 

I sometimes wonder what it must be like to live as an NT ... to not know the wonders of my kind of brain... or even to not have the slightest care in the world for anything. Because from my point of view thats how I see it. 

Ignorance is bliss so they say and in most cases that is true! 

There is another saying that gets me thinking.. 

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.... 

Over used I'm afraid but at the same time makes sense. There are things that I still to this day can't really speak about but that phrase sums these things up quite simply. 

There is hope that one day I will not be alienated and not treated either like a second class citizen or in most case a child. 

My IQ is higher than most peoples , my depth of understanding and eagerness to learn makes me think that intelligence is over rated .. or only savoured for the NT population rather than the minority I am apart of. 

I hate to say this but I am sometimes not even treated like a human being... but some strange creature that in some ways wasn't expected to live. Or was supposed to be locked away from all the normal children. 

Heres how it is ... I'm Autistic ... I'm proud of that... It's not a fabricated illness or adults/children playing up. 

It's a chemical difference in the brain.. that caused it to develop differently to you.. But just because i'm different does not mean i'm weak. 

I am still strong and powerful... I know my own mind and when I feel comfortable and safe in that comfortable environment I flourish! I'm creative, outgoing... even social! 

But then these environments are hard to come by. 

So the next time someone says they are autistic , treat them with the respect they deserve! 

We are not a label or a statistic ... we are a HUMAN BEING!! 

And we should be allowed to participate and integrate with everyone else once in a while! 

So stop playing games and try to understand. 


Many Thanks 

Kind Regards 

One really annoyed Aspergers Girl!! 


 

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