Asperger’s Syndrome and Personality - A Thin and Blurred Line

When researching the actual definition of Asperger’s online, many websites pop up including NHS Choices and the Autistic Society but there is no definitive explanation to what Asperger’s is as a whole. So for a sufferer it is difficult to explain who or what you live with if professionals don't even know how to describe or define the condition you have.  

However the Oxford Dictionary has a definition:

“A Developmental Disorder related to autism and characterised by awkwardness in social interaction, pedantry in speech, and preoccupation with very narrow minded interests.”

(Cited from The Oxford Dictionary.)

In everyday life, there is a constant hunger for other people to know who you are as a person and this falls into personality and traits. With Asperger’s questions are raised to whether:

1.  Is Asperger’s the personality or is it apart of your actual personality traits? 

2. Does Asperger’s take control of the person who lives with it? 

3. Can an AS person even describe themselves or register what their personality is?

Socially trying to describe the condition you live with on a daily basis and how it factors into your everyday life is a different subject all together and in a way is debilitating when you have to go for an interview for a job or even dating to actually describe yourself without feeling sick and panic because you have actually no idea what your qualities are, or what your personality is. These questions really should be abolished from Job interviewing techniques as an Asperger’s person can never actually come up with or actually register who they are as a person with the Asperger’s as it is in fact the dominate personality. 

In a way it feels like you live with another person inside of you and you don't really identify it as yourself it's actually someone else all together who tries to control you. And that battle is one of the thousand other problems Asperger’s people live with every single second of the day as well as factoring in external problems such as social anxiety, stress and so on.

As a girl or should I say woman, living with something such as Asperger’s and dealing with all the other female problems can actually be tiring, depressing, humiliating and damn right difficult. But I never try to let it get me and make me depressed as I know that I can overcome it or even tell it to shut up at times.

Explaining Asperger’s to a Normal thinking person can be a huge problem as they will see the stigma of autism or even not understand all together. And where does that fit into my actual personality?

I try to explain it in different ways but in the end I cannot describe the inner battles and the positive factors like the ability to focus in on every detail possible.

But with Asperger’s why should I explain? 

That has been a frustration for years and I have recently learnt that a teacher will only do one or maybe two lectures on how to teach a child or young person with a Learning Disability which is DISGUSTING!!!  And that probably goes for most care workers in the community including Police, Doctors and Nurses and other professions. 

I have to carry around a card that explains my condition - which is a tool to help me but I shouldn't be doing all the legwork. And I know that many other women, men and Children with Asperger’s have to do the same. 

In this case I try and use an analogy that is easy to understand and able to be recognised.

In simple terms I explain:

“Imagine two laptops sitting side by side. The one on the left is a PC and the on the right is a Mac. The difference between them is their programming and software. If I describe myself as a Mac that means that I am programmed differently to you as a PC but on the surface we both look the same.”

Note:

Medical professionals will describe Asperger’s as a Mental Health Condition.

Education and Work place classes it as a Learning Disability.

From a personality point of view the line becomes blurred. 

Asperger’s and you is something that is so confusing that it can just be all together a frightening experience to even comprehend what your personality is let alone describe it someone else. 

With AS the trick I have learnt is to take a analytical approach to it and actually look with some help from a councillor who specialises in Asperger’s therapy to see where the Asperger’s comes into play and how it factors into your personality as a whole. 

There are different behaviours we all live with like Obsessive behaviour and even Obsessive Compulsive Behaviour which constitute to how we live our lives and how that impacts on our loved ones. As well as dealing with the behaviours that are negative like control issues- being too controlling is a massive issue.  Another behavior patterns form as frustration and temper flare-ups as well as massive highs and lows. 

So to form a relationship when dealing with your own relationship with Asperger’s can be difficult as the other person has not only have to deal with you they get a two for one deal.  On your side of the fence you not only have to deal with yourself from a biological perspective but also with the mental perspective with living with Asperger’s and then factor in another persons thoughts and feelings. And in the end that is so difficult to do as the Asperger’s fights and takes over and the relationship ends. 

To actually assess where you begin to understand where you start and Asperger’s ends is something that needs constant work and a lot of self -exploration that can be distressing and painful. It is a constant learning curve where the unknown is slowly coming to the surface and raising questions about yourself that you never would've considered before.

As you come in contact with other people in a social setting, you find you want to converse with people older than yourself. Your own peer group and in my experience is registered in your head as a threat. I feel threatened by people my own age. I do not relate to them, I don't understand them and ultimately I grow to form a negative response to them. 

And this is bad in the teenage years. 

Social interaction and Social development is something that teenagers thrive in. They form groups and cliques and can associate with each other but for an AS teen and AS girls in particular struggle with as we don't fit in. We kind of sit on the fence and stay happily there observing and mimicking behaviour that is considered acceptable.  Until we feel safe we then let all our negative and frustrated responses out and that is then spiralled into a down hill progression of anxiety and depression. 

Something that I have observed in myself is that I crave Social Interaction but get frustrated as I cannot relate or join in or converse with the social group or situation I have been put into. Therefore I play along and act what I consider to be normal and then come home and essentially blow up. Having that negative response then causes a horrible and distressing cycle that ends in anger and depression to the point where I want to harm or comfort eat. And in my teenage years this was ultimately damaged me and lead me to become an introvert. 

Social stimulation is something that every person needs - but with an Asperger’s person it's learning where your boundaries are and where you feel settled enough and comfortable. Also to finding like minded people who have the same interests as you and in a teenage setting no one really knows what they are interested in and what their actual personality is but as a developmental stage and a progression Asperger’s teens are not getting the correct help or support or social stimulation they need. 

Trying to put different Asperger’s teens in a group sometimes works but often if they are late diagnoses or have other complex issues having a group of people who are considered the same are in fact different. Asperger’s girls find it difficult to interact with Asperger’s boys. It is awkward and tempers do flare and that urge to not want to interact can be more pronounced. 

The thing to consider is that Asperger’s people are the most diverse set of people with different passions or obsessions and interests and also different behaviour patterns. It is difficult to place people into a room and just say INTERACT- it's hard to do:

·      Who makes the first move to interact? 

·      How is this person going to interact with me? Positively or Negatively? 

·      Do I really want to interact? 

In the end it comes down to how a person is feeling right in that moment. Also Asperger’s teens and adults in general cannot display or read complex facial expressions as they have no idea how to read them or interoperate them. That also comes into tone of voice- Sarcasm is something that should not be used around Asperger’s people as it upsets rather than causes laughter or a positive response. 

Instead I have found that we read the atmosphere in the room or environment we are placed in. I can't explain what this Atmosphere is but we can feel and read the emotions of that room and assess whether it is safe or not. Usually if a place is chaotic an AS person will want to leave immediately as sensory information is also a heavily relied on tool. 

This is also applied to communicating and engaging with non- Asperger’s people where the heightened sense or feeling of fear can be heightened. This is a different ball game and knowing how to talk to someone who is so skilled in social communication compared to you can be more and more frustrating as the constant over analysing yourself and over thinking can cause odd behaviour that is presented on your face. 

This is applied to anything from work, education and even a normal night out.

I also have a problem with thinking aloud. So People tend to think there is something really wrong with me but I don't mean to do it on purpose. Vocalising thoughts is perfectly normal in my Asperger’s world and if that means that I seem to be having a conversation with myself then it usually means that me and my brain are having some form of disagreement that needs to be resolved or my brain is over working itself or a random thought has just arrived into my head and I need to deal with it and bank it in my mind out loud. 

Really the way I describe how my mind works  (other AS people have different ways of thinking) is a combination of random thought processes running through my head at light speed trying to be heard and registered all at once and I have to piece them all together and put them into the correct order and bank them for later. This means I do write a lot of things down and carry my phone with me to bank any stray thoughts and remember to do something about them later. 

Figuring out who or what I am is a constant process and to answer the first three questions about personality and Asperger’s is that it is something that is a merging process of learning where the Asperger’s comes into play and other factors from environments and interaction. 

Social interaction is one of the definitive factors of building character and also gaining a perspective of how you appear to other people as well as yourself. Being a person who struggles with interaction on a social level compensating for it in the 21st century is easier as the internet and social media has allowed Asperger’s people to meet others with similar interests in a safe environment where they can converse without the need of seeing someone face to face and able to leave a conversation if they feel they need to. There is no pressure to please people or to conform within the constraints or permitters allowed and to be themselves and let their guards down. 

However as someone who has a condition that is still stigmatised and considered a taboo it is about time that more awareness came to be especially when it is female suffers.There needs to be more help and support provided to ensure that Autistic people and Asperger’s Syndrome 'Sufferers' get to have an healthy and happy life filled with all the experiences that they deserve. This includes social interaction, education, career opportunities and mainly to be understood without prejudice or ignorance. 

This is something that will not happen over night but I understand that with constant developments and achievements of Asperger’s and Autistic Men and Women that more and more understanding and research will begin to happen and that people will finally see that we are not retarded and stupid but highly intelligent and lovely people who just need a little bit more patience and understanding. 

When it comes to personality and Asperger’s in the end it is a amalgamation of both the condition and the person who has it. Learning and defining it may take us a lifetime to figure out and like everyone else we develop and change and so does our personality and what we perceive ourselves to be as human beings. Behaviour patterns and obsessions may also have a factor in how we see ourselves as people and how we then form relationships in social situations and how we begin to then develop more meaningful and maybe even sexual relationships.  But it all comes with hard work and patience from both sides and that is something that also needs to be addressed.