#Handbook - When is it the right time to talk about Aspergers?
When dating when is it the right time to tell the person you really like that you have Aspergers?
It's a burning question that I have thought about over and over in my head for a very long time as the last time I was in a relationship I had just found out I had Aspergers and didn't really know what it meant when it came to a relationship with another person.
One of the things that I thought about at the time was the fact it felt like another person was in the relationship rather than a part of my personality or me as a whole person. At the time I was 16, young and not really in charge of my own thoughts and feeling when it came to my own identity.
At the age of 22 I can see more clearly and identify more with my Aspergers and myself and know who I am as a character but when you add someone else into the mix what happens?
You're going to feel awkward as it is, especially if it's a date but how do you broach the subject?
I would say when it's right in your mind - there is no point rushing into something that you don't think you're comfortable to tell someone about your Aspergers.
*TIP*
I know that it seems to be the case that Aspergers can feel like the worst thing to explain and it is different to everyone else and that you are going to have good and bad days- we all do and it's approaching the topic in a relaxed but serious manner. You don't have to give a scientific spiel about Aspergers. Just explain what it means personally to you rather than in general. The more you explain it in a personal perspective the more the Aspergers will seem more like a personal trait rather than autism. But still I would say i'm autistic and you can have good days and bad days.. don't lead someone down the garden path! Just breath and relax- if the person likes you they'll be open to understanding you!
It might be simple for me to say but I know what it is like to do the awkward speech about you and autism. Although we should seem proud of it- the fear and embarrassment creeps in when we have to explain it in a social situation.
The problem with Aspergers is that on our own we are fine and in a social groups we feel safe in but as soon as someone comes along who sends your heart racing and your palms clammy and sweaty it is the sheer panic about the biggest and most annoying elephant in room! If the person likes you back for your personality alone as well as looks then you're on to a winner but then we all know what Men are like- not all of them but the amount of times I've been hit on for my looks alone and not for who I am I simply walk away.
I'm not expecting Prince Charming on his white horse but I am expecting a loving, sweet and understanding guy who I can have a laugh with and understands my point of view and also is a little bit crazy as well as having some of the same interests as me.
If you know this guy please send him way girls ;)
When getting to know someone you need to know all of the person and that does take a while before you can truly admit that you know the person you are sharing your space with!
*Important*
Will be writing about personal space later and also sex... being Aspergers it is a minefield I know from experience!
I can hear many voices now screaming at me saying:
"WHAT HAPPENS IF THEY DON'T UNDERSTAND!?"
First BREATHE!
If they don't get it or they go pale white and silent then it's their problem not yours- at the end of the day you can both leave and move on and go your separate ways although I would direct him to this blog and other websites to find out more about autism!
It's not your job to inform or educate someone on Aspergers it's their job as they should be able to have an open mind and accept things that are different to what they are used to.
The reason that Aspergers is so different is because it is varied and interesting and sometimes plain damn confusing. And adding different people with different personalities and different problems it can seem more and more annoying but in the end if you work through stuff you can overcome some stuff that has been weighing you down. Relationships aren't a walk in the park but they can be the best thing to happen to you.
Hope this has been helpful!?
If you have any questions just tweet me clicking on the Twitter Account link.
Sophie xxx
It's a burning question that I have thought about over and over in my head for a very long time as the last time I was in a relationship I had just found out I had Aspergers and didn't really know what it meant when it came to a relationship with another person.
One of the things that I thought about at the time was the fact it felt like another person was in the relationship rather than a part of my personality or me as a whole person. At the time I was 16, young and not really in charge of my own thoughts and feeling when it came to my own identity.
At the age of 22 I can see more clearly and identify more with my Aspergers and myself and know who I am as a character but when you add someone else into the mix what happens?
You're going to feel awkward as it is, especially if it's a date but how do you broach the subject?
I would say when it's right in your mind - there is no point rushing into something that you don't think you're comfortable to tell someone about your Aspergers.
*TIP*
I know that it seems to be the case that Aspergers can feel like the worst thing to explain and it is different to everyone else and that you are going to have good and bad days- we all do and it's approaching the topic in a relaxed but serious manner. You don't have to give a scientific spiel about Aspergers. Just explain what it means personally to you rather than in general. The more you explain it in a personal perspective the more the Aspergers will seem more like a personal trait rather than autism. But still I would say i'm autistic and you can have good days and bad days.. don't lead someone down the garden path! Just breath and relax- if the person likes you they'll be open to understanding you!
It might be simple for me to say but I know what it is like to do the awkward speech about you and autism. Although we should seem proud of it- the fear and embarrassment creeps in when we have to explain it in a social situation.
The problem with Aspergers is that on our own we are fine and in a social groups we feel safe in but as soon as someone comes along who sends your heart racing and your palms clammy and sweaty it is the sheer panic about the biggest and most annoying elephant in room! If the person likes you back for your personality alone as well as looks then you're on to a winner but then we all know what Men are like- not all of them but the amount of times I've been hit on for my looks alone and not for who I am I simply walk away.
I'm not expecting Prince Charming on his white horse but I am expecting a loving, sweet and understanding guy who I can have a laugh with and understands my point of view and also is a little bit crazy as well as having some of the same interests as me.
If you know this guy please send him way girls ;)
When getting to know someone you need to know all of the person and that does take a while before you can truly admit that you know the person you are sharing your space with!
*Important*
Will be writing about personal space later and also sex... being Aspergers it is a minefield I know from experience!
I can hear many voices now screaming at me saying:
"WHAT HAPPENS IF THEY DON'T UNDERSTAND!?"
First BREATHE!
If they don't get it or they go pale white and silent then it's their problem not yours- at the end of the day you can both leave and move on and go your separate ways although I would direct him to this blog and other websites to find out more about autism!
It's not your job to inform or educate someone on Aspergers it's their job as they should be able to have an open mind and accept things that are different to what they are used to.
The reason that Aspergers is so different is because it is varied and interesting and sometimes plain damn confusing. And adding different people with different personalities and different problems it can seem more and more annoying but in the end if you work through stuff you can overcome some stuff that has been weighing you down. Relationships aren't a walk in the park but they can be the best thing to happen to you.
Hope this has been helpful!?
If you have any questions just tweet me clicking on the Twitter Account link.
Sophie xxx
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