Self Image and Confidence Issues
The title suggests a lot of questions that are all about LOOKS and WEIGHT as well as other social stigmas that have seemed to become highlighted on a daily basis in the world obsessed with how it looks. But as someone with Aspergers, the pressure to look good is I have found not to please others but at the moment to please myself.
As a teenager, I was always self critiquing my figure, looks and weight comparing myself to other girls in my year group and the celebrities and pop stars, movie starlets and well everyone else on the bloody planet. I never thought I was good enough and looking back I mainly think that was to do with my depression which is something us Aspie girls cannot hide from but unfortunately the self critiquing would not go away.
As a girl you always want to look your best! That can mean different things to different people but back when I was younger I dressed the way I wanted and hoped to god to be accepted which at that point in time I shouldn't had bothered because teenagers are EVIL and well I wasn't really the popular kid or in the popular crowd.
I was socially awkward and well in the weird crowd and to be avoided. The Weird crowd being mainly emo!
But as I grew older and hopefully wiser, I learnt that dressing or making myself up to gain the acceptance of someone else should not matter. We are all different and I should just be happy with how I look which is not simple because I still ask other people's opinions of how I look.
This was tested on holiday this year where I was in a queue to get into a club in the sunny resort of Kavos (please youtube What Happens in Kavos to gain a sense of the place) when a guy began to point at the girls down the line. Now he was drunk I hope when he did this as he went down the line of girls all dressed up wearing sandles or heals with their hair extentions and well make-up pointing to them calling them fit and then when he got to me I got the worst label I could get:
"Ugly!"
At that moment I didn't know whether I wanted to punch the guy in the face or run away and cry. I haven't really thought about my image for a long time due to the fact that I am not really bothered what I look like but to be called UGLY by a guy I don't know and have never had a conversation with upset the hell out of me because I was not a barbie doll or looked like a girl off The Only Way Is Essex (youtube for people outside UK!) but I am still a person with feelings and I thought to myself for a moment:
"Am I really Ugly?"
Which in turn in my head ran into:
"I Must be Hideous... a Monster or Beast looking woman!"
And then before the depression kicked in and I wanted to cry and well either eat myself into a coma or drink my sorrows away I had this little moment of anger and realisation that the guy who had just said that was mean! And he was a STUPID BLOKE!
Not everyone is conventionally beautiful on the outside and well lets face it:
IF YOU ARE READING THIS HONEY... YOU AIN'T A STUNNING LOOKER YOURSELF!
I AM BEAUTIFUL, JUST NOT IN THE WAY YOU SEE BEAUTY... AND THE IMPORTANT THING IS I ACCEPT THAT I AM BEAUTIFUL MYSELF!
I had my reasons to not wear dresses and make-up on that holiday as I couldn't be bothered and also my clothes would've got ruined so it was safer to wear my scruffy clothes and hope for the best. And also when he went away and I had calmed down from wanting to hit him I though about myself and realised:
"I don't actually give a flying F@!k and I don't care what people think about my image... I'm me and thats all that matters."
It was an eureka moment within itself and since then I have just come to accept myself and I am not ugly!
I'm actually a Tom Boy most of the time loving to be in something comfy and to have a pint and watch a rugby match rather than being a girly girl.. but when I dress up I go the whole hog for special occasions! I also know that there is someone out there that thinks I'm beautiful but not just for my looks!
Looks don't really matter it is true that it is everything on the inside that matters!
You can look beautiful but if you are mean and awful then what ever happens isn't because of your looks!
Anyway the point i'm trying to make us when it comes to you don't let people drag you down! It doesn't matter what you look like so long as you are comfortable in your own skin!
And to that end you should just focus on what you see in the mirror rather than what people think about what they see.
Being Aspergers is already hard enough with the pressures to be Normal and to not be yourself and on top of that we have to conform to being what is classed as beautiful?
I don't think there is really a point!
So my advise is:
IF you are happy with the way you look then thats brilliant... don't let anyone tell you otherwise!
Your view of yourself is the most important thing not what a guy/girl says!
Hope that has been helpful?
Sophie xxx
P.S
I have had my operation now and am feeling much better although a little bit tender due to the operation incisions. But apart from that all healthy and happy again!!!!!HURRAY!
As a teenager, I was always self critiquing my figure, looks and weight comparing myself to other girls in my year group and the celebrities and pop stars, movie starlets and well everyone else on the bloody planet. I never thought I was good enough and looking back I mainly think that was to do with my depression which is something us Aspie girls cannot hide from but unfortunately the self critiquing would not go away.
As a girl you always want to look your best! That can mean different things to different people but back when I was younger I dressed the way I wanted and hoped to god to be accepted which at that point in time I shouldn't had bothered because teenagers are EVIL and well I wasn't really the popular kid or in the popular crowd.
I was socially awkward and well in the weird crowd and to be avoided. The Weird crowd being mainly emo!
But as I grew older and hopefully wiser, I learnt that dressing or making myself up to gain the acceptance of someone else should not matter. We are all different and I should just be happy with how I look which is not simple because I still ask other people's opinions of how I look.
This was tested on holiday this year where I was in a queue to get into a club in the sunny resort of Kavos (please youtube What Happens in Kavos to gain a sense of the place) when a guy began to point at the girls down the line. Now he was drunk I hope when he did this as he went down the line of girls all dressed up wearing sandles or heals with their hair extentions and well make-up pointing to them calling them fit and then when he got to me I got the worst label I could get:
"Ugly!"
At that moment I didn't know whether I wanted to punch the guy in the face or run away and cry. I haven't really thought about my image for a long time due to the fact that I am not really bothered what I look like but to be called UGLY by a guy I don't know and have never had a conversation with upset the hell out of me because I was not a barbie doll or looked like a girl off The Only Way Is Essex (youtube for people outside UK!) but I am still a person with feelings and I thought to myself for a moment:
"Am I really Ugly?"
Which in turn in my head ran into:
"I Must be Hideous... a Monster or Beast looking woman!"
And then before the depression kicked in and I wanted to cry and well either eat myself into a coma or drink my sorrows away I had this little moment of anger and realisation that the guy who had just said that was mean! And he was a STUPID BLOKE!
Not everyone is conventionally beautiful on the outside and well lets face it:
IF YOU ARE READING THIS HONEY... YOU AIN'T A STUNNING LOOKER YOURSELF!
and more importantly
I AM BEAUTIFUL, JUST NOT IN THE WAY YOU SEE BEAUTY... AND THE IMPORTANT THING IS I ACCEPT THAT I AM BEAUTIFUL MYSELF!
I had my reasons to not wear dresses and make-up on that holiday as I couldn't be bothered and also my clothes would've got ruined so it was safer to wear my scruffy clothes and hope for the best. And also when he went away and I had calmed down from wanting to hit him I though about myself and realised:
"I don't actually give a flying F@!k and I don't care what people think about my image... I'm me and thats all that matters."
It was an eureka moment within itself and since then I have just come to accept myself and I am not ugly!
I'm actually a Tom Boy most of the time loving to be in something comfy and to have a pint and watch a rugby match rather than being a girly girl.. but when I dress up I go the whole hog for special occasions! I also know that there is someone out there that thinks I'm beautiful but not just for my looks!
Looks don't really matter it is true that it is everything on the inside that matters!
You can look beautiful but if you are mean and awful then what ever happens isn't because of your looks!
Anyway the point i'm trying to make us when it comes to you don't let people drag you down! It doesn't matter what you look like so long as you are comfortable in your own skin!
And to that end you should just focus on what you see in the mirror rather than what people think about what they see.
Being Aspergers is already hard enough with the pressures to be Normal and to not be yourself and on top of that we have to conform to being what is classed as beautiful?
I don't think there is really a point!
So my advise is:
IF you are happy with the way you look then thats brilliant... don't let anyone tell you otherwise!
Your view of yourself is the most important thing not what a guy/girl says!
Hope that has been helpful?
Sophie xxx
P.S
I have had my operation now and am feeling much better although a little bit tender due to the operation incisions. But apart from that all healthy and happy again!!!!!HURRAY!
Comments
Post a Comment