The Teenage Years - Living Hell

Being a teenager can be a nightmare whether you're AS or not. 

Hormones, periods ( Yes I said the P word) and developing into a adult can be difficult especially if you have autism on top. As when being a teenager you're trying to find your place in this world, and with Aspergers finding who you are can take longer. When i was 13 I didn't know where I fitted in, High Schools are a breeding ground for labels and identities and with Aspergers labels and boxes are not the way to go as to fit in you have to be someone that sometimes you're not.  Being bombarded with this stress and pressure to be the perfect student, fit in with the IT Crowd and be Popular as well as deal with all the physical changes that happen when you go through this period of you're life can make you feel like you won't be able to survive and then eventually the breakdown will occur. 

From personal experience when I was 13 to 14 years old, trying to fit in to the perfect crowd and fit into the High school model became to much to bare with me beginning to refuse to go to school. I would feel the bubbling of anxiety build into my system and feeling sick to the point where I would throw up. I began to not eat or drink and eventually I became a recluse to the point that my bedroom would stay in there and just search the internet for hours looking for my favourite band on youtube. Those days were the worse with panic attacks turning into depression - and with depression came the darker phase which turned into the making of me. 

It is true what they say - you have to hit rock bottom to build you're life up again. The difference with me was I started developing reproductively at the age of 9. I was already in Bras and having to get changed in a different changing rooms rather than the class room as I was a teenager by definition. I had the hormones to boot, with the age of 11 becoming my turning point as I had already had my period for a year. High School for me was difficult from year 7 (7th Grade to my lovely American readers)  with the pressure of fitting in, being the only girl who was developing and having all that girl stuff on top. I was bullied for this as girls are jealous, and their jealousy caused me to hate myself which I have just grown out of. 

Teenagers are mean and cruel and sometimes thinking about it pure evil but looking into it I know that this is because they are all insecure about who they are. Identity is a key thing for them to feel safe and with AS you can be pushed into the uncool and unpopular crowd which is stupid. 

Also the pressure with the way High Schools expect you to toe the line, even with a diagnosis you are expected just to go with the flow and fit the mould - if teachers are reading this FAT CHANCE! Aspergers will not fit in and toe the line, even though we want to please you and make you except us for who we are but still it doesn't matter as long as AS kids get the grades and do well in exams for the benefit of the school rather than themselves. 

One thing I learnt when I went to college was that GCSE'S are not the most important thing - they only get you a minimum wage job at a fast food restaurant asking do you want fries with that. A-Levels or BETECS are more important as they give you the chance to go to university to get a degree to make a better life for yourself and to specialise in something you really want to do. They also get you higher paid jobs. 

It was only to my late teens where I really learnt where I fitted in and finally I just understood who I was as a person which was I am me and Aspergers is a part of me it doesn't control me. I am so proud of myself for how far I have come but their are still teens out there struggling and I don't know how to help them. But maybe talking about what happened to me might help. 

Sorry if this post isn't that clear. 

Sophie xxxx